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When my alarm went off at 4 a.m., I sensed the man next to me stir. Scott was awake already, and as my eyes adjusted to the dark, I remembered that this was the morning I had to leave him.

We’d met a few weeks prior — shortly after I’d decided to leave Chicago. I hadn’t had much luck in love while living in the Windy City, and I was looking forward to a fresh start in a new place, full of people I didn’t know. Then along came this boy with shaggy hair and a smile that wouldn’t give up.

He wasn’t smiling when I met him. Understandable, considering I had just dropped a tray full of beers on his head. He was a patron at the rowdy sports bar where I worked and as I showered him with apologies and Bud Light dripped from his nose, I caught the first glimpse of that smile. Once dry, he asked for my number. Despite my usual policy of never dating customers, I obliged — wondering when I should tell him that I wouldn’t be around for long.

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This scenario has been a pattern in my life. Whenever I make big plans to travel or move cities, along comes a catch. Forget love potions. If you’re looking for romance, just keep a plane ticket in your pocket.

The uphill slog of dating often contributes to the decisions I make to upend my life in dramatic fashion. What better way to take my mind off lackluster dates than pining for a new place, instead of a person? As soon as I feel myself growing frustrated with my love life, I book the next ticket. In the past five years, I’ve backpacked across South America; road-tripped through Europe; moved to New York City and then to Portland, Ore. As it so often goes, once my plans are finalized, I stumble upon a promising prospect in my current locale. At the height of new-relationship bliss, I have to veer one way while he goes another.

In the weeks between meeting Scott and leaving Chicago, he showed me a side to the city I had been missing. We waited in a line that snaked around the block for Hot Doug’s, a popular hot dog joint that served bizarre meats like alligator and antelope. I didn’t mind waiting in line; it gave us time to flirt and kiss. We visited Navy Pier, and the throngs of tourists didn’t seem nearly as obnoxious while he was holding my hand. We went to the movies in the middle of the day and whispered loudly in an almost empty theater. It felt like a vacation with someone I’d been dating for months, rather than days.

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This pattern has proved counterproductive to my love life. Goodbyes shouldn’t always be assumed — and yet my impending departure is usually what makes these short affairs so fun. Relationships are a lot like vacations — the most exhilarating part often lies in the anticipation. First dates bring a rush of possibilities. Booking flights does the same.

A 2010 study in the Journal of Applied Research in Quality of Life points out that planning a vacation, not taking it, is actually when we’re happiest. We haven’t faced the stress of travel delays or the monsoon that’s descending on our tropical getaway. I believe the same logic applies to relationships. Those first few dates are like the planning stages of a relationship. When I’m already planning to cut things short, I can fantasize about possibilities without discovering a new person’s annoying habits or having our first fight.

Perhaps these prospective partners are always in my life. I just fall easier and remember them more fondly when they’re restricted to those blissful first dates.  It’s the freedom to revel in the early thrill of a new relationship, without the potential heartache that comes from commitment, that makes me more open and receptive to new people.

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Additionally, when I’m planning a big trip or cross-country move, I’m full of excitement. Those impending life changes could even make me more attractive, as people are drawn to happy faces.

So the next time I’m itching for an adventure, maybe I don’t need to pack up and leave. Exposing myself to new activities, taking classes, embarking on local adventures, and constantly looking for new things to experience are all ways to alter my mind-set in the present, while looking forward to the future.

I’ll never know if things would have worked out with Scott if I had stayed in Chicago. We never had to face traffic delays or bad weather together. Our relationship was confined to the sunny first day of a seemingly perfect escape from reality. And perhaps it’s best to have left it at that.

My friends in long-term relationships tell me the real joy of having a partner lies in the little things — the mundane details of life that become familiar and comforting.

I can’t help but yearn for unexpected thrills. But I’m trying to keep my mind and heart open for someone who’s interested in making those adventures an everyday thing.

READ MORE:

My happiness may never look like my mom’s. And that’s okay.

How to survive the holidays while single or divorced

So you’ve been unlucky in love. That’s no excuse to be jaded.

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