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Somewhere along the path to postmodern marriage, toasters and table linens were joined by circular saws and hedge shears on newlyweds' wish lists.

Couples setting up housekeeping, even those who've been on their own for a while, need long lists of things. And tradition as old as the dowry has it that family and friends provide, with gifts at the wedding and more gifts at pre-wedding rituals called showers.

Traditionally, showers were planned for the bride. After a luncheon of salad and sweets, gifts were bestowed, wrapped in silvery paper. Presents tended toward kitchen practicality and bedroom playfulness: pasta bowls, wine goblets, monogrammed sheets, lacy lingerie. Conspicuously absent have been the other trappings of daily life: tools to stop a drippy faucet, fix a torn screen, water a browning lawn.

"Showers are fun," says Millie Bratten, editor-in-chief of Bride's magazine. "It's a great time to get together with your friends, and the grooms want to be part of it." That's how the tool shower was born. Guys lean toward cordless drills and CD players rather than tea towels.

Sound sexist? Maybe. But check out Bride's or Martha Stewart Living's wedding issue full of ads for trailing gowns, polished silver, china and crystal. Nowhere, the wrench.

When Tony Dornberger's fiancee arranged a surprise tool shower for him to celebrate their upcoming marriage six years ago, he recalls, he was a little embarrassed. "Guys don't have showers," he says. But now, the 32-year-old Chesapeake Beach computer project manager sees things differently.

"Hindsight being what it is, it was really cool," he says, especially because he and his wife, Karen, were just starting out. "My wife and I had just finished school and we needed it all. I had no power tools. I was starting from scratch."

There was no lingerie at his wedding shower. Dornberger says his fiancee, a teacher, told the 10 invitees-men only-that to "show up at the party, they had to bring a tool." And there were no dainty salads or petit fours: strictly steamed crab and beer.

A wheelbarrow could be part of a handyman start-up kit for the groom or new couple (Max Hirshfeld for the Washington Post)

Bratten says other unisex variations on the traditional shower include "Stock the Bar" showers where guests bring bar ware, corkscrews, chip and dip servers; "Spa" showers for him and her where the couple receives matching robes and towels; and "Honeymoon" showers with waterproof cameras, maps and travel diaries.

Overall, Bratten says, surveys by the magazine show increased male involvement in wedding gift choices: In 1993, 43 percent of bridegrooms accompanied their brides to stores to register for their gifts of choice. Today, 76 percent do so.

Bratten says their research shows that 75 percent of couples register in more than one store. They first sign up with a department store for traditional gifts like china and silver (91 percent of couples still ask for fine china), but then often register in a specialty store based on their interests, like electronics, camping or fine wines. And tools.

Sears spokeswoman Peggy Palter says "men really do have a good time walking around the stores with the scanner guns." And it shows in sales. Although she wouldn't release specific figures, Palter says tools are a huge seller for the company's 100,000 active gift registries. Popular items, she says, are "large Craftsman tool storage towers and lawn mowers, especially riding mowers." On the Sears Craftsman registry, the top five sellers in order of popularity are: three-piece adjustable wrench set, eight-piece wrench set, seven-piece standard nut driver set, two-piece set of RoboGripcq pliers and a 13-inch hacksaw.

Amy Friend, a spokeswoman for Home Depot, says since it started a gift registry in 1996, registrants have increased 15 percent. Overall, she says, 90 percent are brides and bridegrooms signing up together.

Friend says the No. 1 request is the basic garden hose. Hedge trimmers, circular saws and fire extinguishers round out the top four choices. Also popular, she says, is "Home Improvement 1-2-3," a fix-it book by Home Depot experts.

Lowe's has no bridal registry. But "the trend that is really hot right now is cordless tools, anything cordless, cordless circular saws, cordless sanders," says Mark Kauffman, senior vice president of merchandising. "Guys really enjoy tools. They like debating the features, the pros and cons, the brands." And getting the basics can add up, he notes. "Tools are quite expensive. To outfit even a basic starter set can be in the $400 to $500 range."

On-line bridal registries are playing into the trend too. At TheGift.com, a two-year-old Web site devoted to registries for all occasions, the wedding and general registries areas include a category called "handyman," featuring products like mega-drill sets, flashlights and cordless tile scrubbers.

"Grooms are getting more involved," says spokeswoman Kelly Bauer. She says men tend to sign up for the traditionally masculine items such as power tools and electronic equipment like DVD players. Bauer says the company also has noticed an increase in interest in gardening items, as well as cutlery, particularly knives.

Bauer says on-line shopping can be more conducive to registries because couples can sign up and choose gifts in private and "grooms don't feel any macho pressure. They're not so timid as far as picking out china patterns, and they can take their time to get the gifts."

Dornberger says his tool shower was held the same day his fiancee had her bridal shower, so both came home with lots of stuff.

Men really should be clamoring for their own tool party, he says. "It's definitely a great idea. I can't tell you how handy the tools have been in the past six years."

Mary M. Remuzzi is assistant director of radio/TV projects for The Post.

© Copyright 2001 The Washington Post Company

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